Growing Up in Public

June 15, 2023
A map to the social media maze for parents and their teenagers. Parenting a teenager has never been easy, but social media has made it much more difficult. Heitner specializes in this field, and her 2016 book, Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World, was widely praised. In this follow-up, she returns to some of her previous themes, punctuating the text with accessible advice and numerous anecdotes. She believes that trying to prohibit a teen from using social media is unlikely to work. After all, kids have grown up with the internet and can circumvent bans. She suggests that a mentoring approach is better than stern rules. Heitner acknowledges that finding the right balance in parental supervision and intervention is often a tricky matter of judgment. For example, some teens are opposed to being tracked by their phones, but others accept it as an appropriate security measure. Many teens see social media as a crucial part of their lives, especially in being part of a peer group. One major problem is that the rules about what is acceptable and what is not keep changing, and some teens constantly worry that a wrong word could see them shunned. Parents are often concerned that unsuitable posts might affect their teen's application to a desired college, although research shows that such cases are rare. They can advise their kids to think before they post anything, and a useful guide is to think about whether they would put whatever they are posting on a T-shirt. In the end, the best ways to mentor are by examples and through communication. "Parents should shift their focus from consequences to building character," writes Heitner, "and to teaching their kids to respect their own privacy and reputation by modeling that respect for them." Expert advice for parents and teens backed by relevant research and clear thinking.

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July 17, 2023
Heitner (Screenwise), a former media studies professor at Lake Forest College who now runs parenting workshops, offers astute advice on how parents can help their children navigate social media and other technology. She warns against using tech to surveil kids, suggesting apps that track teenagers’ whereabouts limit their chances to learn to “make good decisions independently.” Offering an evenhanded assessment of social media, she notes that while platforms can produce anxiety about not getting enough likes, they also provide opportunities for self-expression; for instance, she shares the story of a mother who learned of her son’s dancing abilities from watching his TikToks. The levelheaded guidance is a refreshing antidote to more alarmist takes on the topic (Heitner suggests that sexting can be a “healthy form of teenage sexual exploration” and outlines talking points to discuss with teens about sexting ethically and safely, such as excluding one’s face from intimate photos), though she’s elsewhere short on specifics, as when she urges parents to help “kids grapple with their ‘public’ audience in an intentional, empowered way” without clarifying how to do so. Still, parents will find this a useful roadmap for helping children cope with the perils of growing up online.

Starred review from November 1, 2023

Heitner's (Screenwise) goal is to close the technology knowledge gap between parents and kids through education. These days, parents are afraid of a myriad of issues, like their children's texts, online bullying, sexting, and a private post becoming public and destroying one's reputation or job possibilities. But Heitner indicates that a fear-based approach leads to children feeling distrusted. She believes conversation is a wiser strategy than reading texts, though she acknowledges that tracking can feel easier than building trust and having challenging discussions. She also addresses parents' own social media usage, or "sharenting," which can cause college pressure, social embarrassment, and discouragement in their children. The book addresses neurodiversity, mental health, and sex and gender identity. It also offers readers sound ideas for supporting BIPOC kids and promoting antiracism. Sexting and sexual harassment are also tackled here. VERDICT A comprehensive resource on a topic that interests many parents. Will prove essential for parents of children in the elementary through teenage years.

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