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"A cross between a podcast by relationship therapist Esther Perel and a salacious tell-all." —San Francisco Chronicle
Patric Gagne realized she made others uncomfortable before she started kindergarten. Something about her caused people to react in a way she didn't understand. She suspected it was because she didn't feel things the way other kids did. Emotions like fear, guilt, and empathy eluded her. For the most part, she felt nothing. And she didn't like the way that "nothing" felt.
She did her best to pretend she was like everyone else, but the constant pressure to conform to a society she knew rejected anyone like her was unbearable. So Patric stole. She lied. She was occasionally violent. She became an expert lock-picker and home-invader. All with the goal of replacing the nothingness with...something.
In college, Patric finally confirmed what she'd long suspected. She was a sociopath. But even though it was the very first personality disorder identified—well over 200 years ago—sociopathy had been neglected by mental health professionals for decades. She was told there was no treatment, no hope for a normal life. She found herself haunted by sociopaths in pop culture, madmen and evil villains who are considered monsters. Her future looked grim.
But when Patric reconnects with an old flame, she gets a glimpse of a future beyond her diagnosis. If she's capable of love, it must mean that she isn't a monster. With the help of her sweetheart (and some curious characters she meets along the way) she embarks on a mission to prove that the millions of Americans who share her diagnosis aren't all monsters either.
This is the inspiring story of her journey to change her fate and how she managed to build a life full of love and hope.
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Creators
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Publisher
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Release date
April 2, 2024 -
Formats
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Kindle Book
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OverDrive Read
- ISBN: 9781668003206
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EPUB ebook
- ISBN: 9781668003206
- File size: 9370 KB
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Languages
- English
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Reviews
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Kirkus
February 1, 2024
The story of a therapist and grief counselor's struggle to understand and mitigate a stigmatized disorder. Since early childhood, Gagne writes, she knew she lacked the empathy, shame, guilt, and fear of consequences typically possessed by others. Her antisocial behavior frequently brought her into conflict with authority figures and confirmed her sense of difference and, sometimes, despair. In adulthood, after finally receiving a diagnosis of sociopathy, she sought ways to manage it, eventually becoming a psychologist specializing in the disorder. A crucial element in her success, she notes, is her relationship with an exceptionally understanding man who taught her how to love. This memoir is unusual in its presentation of a decidedly unlikable and rather frightening narrator, who describes a lifetime of bad behavior and ongoing struggles with deficits in kindness and common decency. Her seemingly sincere and plausible request, however, is for compassion to flow in the other direction: from the non-sociopathic toward the sociopathic, who are understood as suffering from a medical condition and whose humanity remains intact no matter their moral limitations. Gagne makes a reasonable case for such sympathy and for the possibility that sociopathy may, to some extent, be treatable. However, the narrative itself, which relies heavily on conventions from the romance and thriller genres, has a markedly fantastical quality, and what emerges often seems to favor vivid storytelling and self-aggrandizement over honest introspection. Descriptions of the author's uncannily astute contributions to her field of study have a particularly dubious quality. A disclaimer informs readers that "some timelines have been condensed, some dialogue has been reconstructed, and some characters have been presented as composites," which may put off some readers. Though the book is marketed as a memoir, it reads very much like a work of fiction. A peculiar, provocative exploration of the limits of social acceptance.COPYRIGHT(2024) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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Booklist
March 1, 2024
Gagne first saw people like her in prison. At age 11, she was visiting her uncle at the prison where he worked when she heard the term sociopaths used to describe offenders who had no remorse. The description hit home. The author herself would eventually be diagnosed as a sociopath, a loaded term she carefully unpacks in this fascinating memoir. She describes living without easy access to certain social emotions like guilt, empathy, and embarrassment. Apathy is her default state, one that comes with pressure that builds until she finds release. After a childhood incident in which she stabbed a neighbor in the head with a pencil, she vowed not to use violence to relieve that pressure. But in college, trespassing and stealing cars only went so far to help. After her diagnosis, she began investigating how sociopaths differ from psychopaths and discovered a dearth of treatment options for a disorder affecting millions. Desiring an emotionally full life, she pursued a doctorate in psychology and eventually became a therapist, wife, and mother. Readers of this remarkable account, presented with Gagne's psychology training and her clarity born of years explaining her experience, will never see the word sociopath the same way again.COPYRIGHT(2024) Booklist, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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Publisher's Weekly
April 8, 2024
“I am a twenty-first century sociopath,” former therapist Gagne asserts in the introduction to her bracing debut, “and I’ve written this book because I know I’m not alone.” She begins by recounting her childhood affinity for thievery and other early signs, including the excessive time she spent alone, that “something about me was off.” As Gagne grew older, stealing trinkets gave way to stealing cars and credit cards, and in college, her first therapist diagnosed her as a sociopath. Reading all the material she could get her hands on, Gagne learned that the condition (characterized by “a disinclination to empathize with others”) is widely misunderstood—and often misdiagnosed—and resolved to pursue a PhD in the subject to help others like herself. Meanwhile, she managed a bumpy relationship with her boyfriend (and eventual husband), David, one of the few people for whom she felt deep love. Gagne’s stated goal is demystification (“representation matters”), and she succeeds, legibly outlining the workings of her mind and the hopelessness she felt upon diagnosis. Courageously candid and sometimes shocking, this no-holds-barred self-portrait offers an illuminating glimpse at a mental health disorder long shrouded by shame. Agent: Melissa Flashman, Janklow & Nesbit Assoc.
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Formats
- Kindle Book
- OverDrive Read
- EPUB ebook
Languages
- English
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